Part of pursuing peace is allowing the expectations we have to be based on accepting “what is”, even it means we are aware that “what is” is something we want to grow in to “what can be.” ? It’s about learning and accepting that who we are is enough, but we may work on growing in different areas. It is about accepting ourselves where we are, though we may choose to begin or end something in our lives. As we have gone through this 25 days of Pursuing Peace a funny thing happened on the way to the end of the month, I realized that I am focusing more on a few things that truly matter to me and letting go of so many more expectations and details that sometimes cause me clutter in my home or daily routines.
We use cloth napkins, my mother made them at her home and its so easy to me to just throw them in the wash versus having to bring in paper napkins and create trash each meal. (after all, I still want someone else to take that mess out, so I try not to create it!) We have had so many different kind of cloth napkins, but it all comes down to two sets that are my go-to daily choices. The aha moment came last week when I realized that those four colors/styles would match any meal I was preparing look in its tablescape. I immediately took the drawer full of “other” napkins out ziplocked them for sharing and that left me with 3 solutions: 1) folding and matching now is in two piles, check and toile 2) my friends loved having first picks on sets of napkins they wanted (you see I’ve converted them!) 3) Folding and putting away the napkins now fit in a basket that sits on our server decoratively 4) the drawer is now holding something I needed a space for 5) my children are 100% more efficient at folding and putting them away when they know its on the counter and easy to make it look nice. The ivory and black ones are in the drawer for holiday, special events, and large groups meals.
Where’s the peace you say?
- It added ease of use, lessened the technique for using something we all appreciate in our home,
- It stopped the nonsense of finding 8 matching napkins from eight different sets
- It allowed for good stewardship and sharing of items we had an ample supply of, it felt great to share.
- It decluttered one more kitchen drawer.
- In sharing it made me feel that I had passed on a part of my Mom’s legacy in adding special touches to others family dinners
- It made laundry day easier (well, every day is laundry day, but it does make it go more easily!)
- It added a touch of pretty to a basket that I now use as part of the serving piece’s tablescape decorations
- It supported my experience and valuing that preparing the family dinner table with nice things says we value family time at meal
- It just gave me peace, and it felt good.
Communication brings many things to a family. Sometimes it’s not pretty as we own what we really want, what we are really comfortable with, what we really expect. Sometimes for me simply owning what it is that I truly expect allows others to see it is important to me, and likewise sometimes when I share what matters to me, what I value has nothing what so ever to do with the original value I stated. Often as I review my expectation I realize that detail didn’t matter or support my value, just was comfortable or tradition. (Like the children wearing their pajamas and coats when we go riding to see the Christmas lights…having the hot cocoa while we car ride to see the lights all over town as a family matters to me, it’s been a tradition that they get new jammies that night and we all wear them so that when we come in late they could go to bed)
The jammies part IS tradition for our family, but the value is the time together…so as we talked an amazing thing happened. They all agreed it is one of our special nights as a family, and when they realized I loved remembering the special pajamas my mom made for them as children, they then understood the fun in the new jammies for the ride (originally a slightly naughty thing to do to save time in putting them to bed upon arrival home as 3 and 5 year olds!) This year, as we added son-in-laws and girlfriends, they simply asked if I could get them Jammies to open too. before the traditional hot cocoa light tour. Peace achieved in expectation through communication.
What does your expectation look like? What can you review and let go of unnecessary habits, traditions, or “go with’s” that may not have anything to do with your ideas of what an event is? This is the season where so many people have friction in their home about what to do, where to be, what to spend, how to get it all done…..can you focus on your values and the activities that support them and let some of the rest of it go?
