Awareness, preparation and expectations set the stage for our daily experience. As a strategist and educator I have found this statement true for every area of my life whether I am working with a multi-million start up team, a local inner city school, with my children as a mom, and most of all as a strategist. We uniquely experience life based on what we are aware of and expect it to be.
Then I’ll have mine happy and successful please.
Really.
Our minds work in that it is like a data base that looks for past experiences to identify and affirm patterns. This is great when we are in a space we’ve had success with before, like finding the library, but perhaps not so helpful when we have had a childhood pattern, or work experience that was not supportive of our life.
Pavlov taught us early on that we can become conditioned to whatever it is that has consequences. By the way, his work focuses on a reward that is positive, but it’s just as true and valid for a negative outcome. We tend to learn to expect the negative if we experienced it enough times. We even create patterns to repeat the negative if we are not cognizant that we are doing it, simply because our mind goes on autopilot to find familiar.
Comfort zones can be a debilitating thing. Do you do things or choose to remain in situations because they are familiar? comfortable? or what you know? I bet if you stop to use the question “why do I do this?” for a day or two you’ll find many things you do, because it’s familiar, not particularly beneficial to your current, present life. On a bad day you’ll understand why something is essential that you left out of your mix. It’s a pattern you established like the old story of cutting a ham in half to bake it at Thanksgiving. The children and the children’s children have all continued to “cut the ham” before baking. At dinner great grandmother is asked “why do you cut the ham”..and she answers “because when I was a young bride, it didn’t fit into the pans I had.” And yet two more generations have continued what they were modeled despite their own hams not needing the amendment to the size of the pans.
Awareness is an amazing tool. Taking time to purposefully stay in the present moment and “pause the track” of what you know, have experienced, and may have unknowingly continued to resolve before experiencing the present can be very powerful. We often expect the worst as Curious George did at the doctor’s office or avoid a better solution simply because we’ve gone on auto pilot.
An excessive amount of dirty clothes, out of control laundry piles, and a lack of washcloths in my master bath has been somewhat of a personal embarrassment to me. It seemed that no matter how much time management, effort, or organization I just couldn’t keep up. We’re talking emotional drain every day in my life. I read articles, tried out new methods, asked friends on how they got it all done with four very active on teams children and a husband who needs to be polished at work. Many times I sought advice, wisdom, and support. I would implement to the best of my ability and it just didn’t seem to work. One day a friend came over though and with a fresh perspective immediately saw the issue and helped me to figure out the missing links…
The new perspective was a huge release from the shame, blame, and laziness soundtrack that lives in my personal itunes account. She came over, she looked in each room, she went to my monument of shame, the laundry room and pronounced:
a) It’s not about you, there are good systems in place
b) It’s not about how/when/why you do laundry
c) It’s not a situation where you need instruction
d) It’s not that you’re not working hard enough, in fact I think it’s the opposite
and with great aplomb and much laughter she assessed with fresh eyes:
1. Each member of the family has too many clothes in their space. In one son’s closet we counted 82 shirts alone!
2. There is a communication/training desert of understanding with the individuals that the floor, the counter, or the bed is a place to put worn and needing washing clothes.
3. Despite color systems, days to complete laundry, and a place to pick up clothes done by others, our family members apparently do not feel strongly about putting away their clothes.
We began as we always do for successful change. With my own perceptions for my life. In a few weeks we went through my closet and only kept what fit, what felt good and a core group of fun clothes that could range from professional to personal days out.
Release, space, and more importantly S T Y L E came back into an ease of experience daily life.
My own closet, room, and life became a 2 load wonder weekly. FANTASTIC
Funny thing about perspective and awareness. As my children and husband saw my own wardrobe world get easier, my son, the one who rarely gets into the cleaning act, did his own closet, drawers, and room purge. His room stayed 90% more together for the next 6 weeks despite summer fun and activities. For those of you who have teenaged sons, you understand that is proof that miracles are for today.
He and I felt better, looked better, and had much more success keeping up with things we enjoyed wearing.
You see, for years I had TRIED harder, I had DONE more, I had FOCUSED on the wrong things…how to manage more , faster, better, with additional support but the solution set was in a different perspective, a new awareness, and a simpler solution.
We needed LESS clothes!
This week when you’re working through your challenges, I dare you to take time to think through a few new questions. What is happening here that needs to be different. Why is this happening? Is it necessary? Is it realistic to think this has to be done “this” way? Is it possible that there is a different perspective that will change the outcomes? What IS the outcome that would be the “dream” situation? Do I have the equipment, skills, or system to alter this situation?
I find that it work on everything from how to manage school lunches to changing how and who I work with to be the most enjoyable clients!
Hope you find new awareness of what works for you!
