Today is the first day of school for many children. For children like my own, it is a day some of them dread. For children of divorce, it is a day again that they know their family isn’t like the forms at school. Each class the teachers ask them for information about their home, their parents, their numbers, and each time a child has to explain or write down a set of parents….not knowing for sure why their other parents aren’t provided a line. ….or if they shouldn’t mention they have parents who do not live in the same state, much less the same town….
My children have parents in two states. I have shared custody of our children, they live with me during the school year, but their natural dad loves them dearly as does their stepmom. They want to receive newsletters, report cards, school news, but we have to go to much effort usually to make sure they are included. Somehow a forwarded newsletter from school feels like a slight.
My children are not intentionally left out by schools and teachers, but they are left fragile when the awareness that at least half of the children in a school now do not have enough room on two lines to name their parents and addresses. Its sad truly…but its a truth children shouldn’t have to suffer or pay for during the first days of school. My daughter, who is 13, asked to simply use her stepdad’s last name when we moved to Alabama. I was rather surprised, but then she explained “I am tired of having a different last name than our family here” which made perfect sense. Children do not want to stand out, to be different, to feel not a part of the “norm” at school, church, sports, etc.
For years I had family cards printed that said the child’s name then the two sets of parents names and numbers so each coach, teacher, or leader would have at hand the right information. Sleepovers and field trip leaders had those cards so they would know who to call when. (1,3,5th weeksends my children were at their dads) We’ve had an emergency with a child whose friend’s parent did not know all of our numbers….that was indeed a nightmare, so I was aware how important it is that even if my ex husband takes a child somewhere, it is important that somewhere know ALL of our contact informations
One of the things that my children love is that Jesus was a stepchild too. I can only imagine Joseph’s daily life knowing the Almighty God was indeed his stepson’s natural father…..My children also know that families sometime adopt others into their family…as we have several of our dearest friends….whom my children consider family just as they do their genetic first cousins or aunts….the truth is that being accepted, loved, chosen is a gift….and I am so thankful this morning that our Father in heaven has created, loved, chosen us all as His…..
If you are a teacher, a Sunday school leader, a coach, a minister, a doctor, or professional that deals with children….please be aware children of step families want so much to not be identified as “different” and some of the old “What would your mother say” or “obey your father” lines may create much more of an emotional bang than you wanted it to if Mom left seven years ago……please be aware that children so want your approval, and support, be aware that so often their parents divorce sometimes makes them feel ashamed ….and awkward….and that isn’t fair for any child…they’ve been through enough. We also need to be aware with so many step and blended families, that not every adult has the legal right to pick up, communicate, or hear about a child’s activities…its wise to ask the custodial parent how they would like communication handled….and more importantly, its important that the child not be put in the middle!
