Les and I took the younger children to Memphis on Saturday morning to meet their father and new stepmom for spring break. Memphis is about half way for us to his parents home in another state, so it was only a 7 hour roundtrip. We had a great send off, the meeting was pleasant, and then Dh and I began what we refer to as “the great good time.” We didn’t have to be anywhere Saturday night so we bummed around Memphis shopping and seeing the sites!
Meeting an ex spouse is not always a pleasant thing. I was thrilled that this first meeting after their wedding weekend, we were met with eye contact, return responses and pleasantries. It has not always been easy to meet on the road. At first, when ExH and I were divorced, it was so upsetting and he was so angry that every meeting had to be attended by a third party to keep an emotional blow up scene from happening. For the first two years either my parents, a friend, or I met his parents on the road with the children, for if we met alone, there was an ugly scene before it was over. That only lasted about 4 months, but the innueundos or snide remarks lasted for over six additional years. It wouldn’t always happen, but if it went south, it really blew. Wanting to avoid strife, it just wasn’t worth going through alone, so we avoided it by letting our parents intercede (and we were blessed they would) for the children exchanges.
We also had periods of perfectly wonderful catch up conversations and meals together as a family (ExH, H, and I) with the children, but in the beginning when I was still single, it was not a pleasant situation.
There are all kinds of ways to do weekend visitations. In the beginning, when we lived 70 miles apart, the children went 1,3,5th weekends every month and almost all holidays as well as 6-8 weeks in the summer. Our pet peeves used to be that we prepared and packed the children entirely differently. Our tastes for their clothes when we still packed them (at 5 and 8) were vastly different. After many weekends of anger over “you didn’t pack such and such” for a few years we each kept clothes at each house that didn’t leave our homes, it was just easier than hunting a baseball uniform 70 miles from home. Other times we went through periods of sending check off lists to alleviate the stress of finding it all. Yet other months it was easier to simply let him buy the clothes as part of how he supported the children, and I bought the shoes.
I am thankful and blessed that ExH is happy in his life with a new bride. I am encouraged that she has included our children in their lives. Being a new step mom is not easy, particularly if you’ve not had children of your own yet. We know that they will have a good time this week with their new Step mom and Dad, as well as enjoy seeing their extended family in another state. It is supposed to be this way I think….allowing our children to have all of us without guilt, shame, or strife….we don’t always make it happen, but we work all the time to forge new inroads heading to the destination of getting along all the time.
God is good, and forgiveness matters! I am thankful my ExH has forgiven me and I have forgiven him….and we both have chosen to focus on the children.
Sweetie
