I don’t know why you’re upset….

We’ve been having a re education program at our house lately. It is called “what does it feel like to be completely disrespected” and it went a little like this. We have a child who has become rather focused on the needs of his person only, not the affect of his actions on others. If one was to point out kindly that a behavior isn’t appropriate or kind, his response was irritation, as though perhaps he was CEO and you, the mail boy were bothering him. It was rising like a souffle in a hot oven this behavior with no signs of deflating. The taking for granted, the lack of appreciation for extra effort to keep his world working. So last week, for two days, Mom decided it was time to allow son to have a taste of his own souffle.
The first round was meant to corner the game we play on “Mom wakes you up, you ignore her effort and make the morning stressful” With warning he was told he would be in charge of get ups from now on….that breakfast preparation would now be his….and because he couldn’t put away the laundered clothes delivered to his room, he could be in charge of pick up and cleaning of clothes as well.
The first morning went rather well. He overslept, he had to rush to come to the living room to find that mom had indeed already left at the appointed time. There was no bacon and eggs as was usually fixed, in fact there was no milk at all….instead a note on the list “I’ll get to it tomorrow” which is a phrase I often find on his chores. It was rather strange to drive the jeep empty to the high school parking lot and home, but after all, the Mom Taxi cab has been a little more than an expected driver making her loop, no conversations, only grunts to the servant….as I pulled into our drive he was standing there, incredulous, knowing I had left at 7:30 as announced. His friend pulled into the driveway about then to rescue him, but also wanted $5 for gas….very appropriately. Son looked at me, I looked at him. He knew the chores were not done on the chart and therefore earned cash flow was not happening. His (clued in) friend pulled out, son asked “What exactly do you think I’m going to do” Thoughtfully, I replied “I guess you’ll walk” which meant he’d have to hustle or be late since school is 2.5 miles from our home. I suspect that is why he has detention on Wednesday as well….not hustling, and apparently it wasn’t his first time, because you only get detention on the 4th tardy….we arrive at his school 15 minutes next to his classroom daily…so being late is really interesting at that point.
When I arrived to pick him up that afternoon, I took him to an errand with me, I repeated his often used phrase….”I’ll be back in 5 minutes” after I left to go into the store. I returned 45 minutes later. He, very angered, calls me on the cell phone 4 times during that 45 minutes…and I ignore the calls. When he texted me for the fifth time, I used his own favorite one word reply “chill” and continued shopping for 10 minutes, after all, who wants to go home to an irritated son? When he lividly grunted “What the heck took so long” I replied “couldn’t help it, some friends were talking to me” and ignored the part where he expected me to apologize…to which he could.not.believe. I would be so ignoring of him sitting in the car being bored. As we drove home, he realized my lateness had cost him being at a workout…when mentioned I replied “Its not my fault they kept me talking”
Once home, I went in and ate his favorite last two cookies without asking, and immediately watched a couple of t.v. shows ignoring dinner preparation (had already clued dad into to taking M out beforehand) and when the children asked “Where’s dinner, its time?” I replied “I don’t feel like it today, I’ll get it after breakfast tomorrow” The shock on his face was worth money. “What do you mean????” “alright alright alright, I’ll get to it in a minute I said…..” and proceeded to watch t.v. for the next 2 hours as he fumed. I had removed the easy to fix meals from the freezer to our outside freezer so the fridge was mostly empty…son can cook, but there was nothing to fix in his reach. When questioned about where is the milk, the eggs, and we’re out of butter….I replied “its not my problem, I got Taco Bell coming” since he often has dinner enroute from practices with a friend when dinner is on the table.
That night, as he showered, I made sure to shower and run the dishwasher at the same time for his pleasure, since he usually begins his shower just as I begin mine in a one hot water tank house. I also took his last towel on the hook while he was getting his clothes and the only ones left were covered in mud where he left them the night before on the floor. I simply wasn’t in hearing range, out walking, when he was calling out for someone, anyone to fix his towel problem.
The crowning moment was however when he was dressed and ready to go to an important sport team meeting at 7:00 p.m. that next day…. I had managed to clear out the house of all available drivers and leave myself on time at 6:45 p.m., the announced departure time. At 6:55 he started calling the cell phones, realizing that the taxi had left on time at 6:45 since we’re 10 minutes away. Twice in one day missing his ride, and knowing the wrath a coach could embrace to a late meeting, we saw him jogging in to the meeting in his dress clothes(nothing else was available since he had not bothered to do his laundry and he has a young puppy who believes clothes on the floor are training puppy pads……with a new awareness of why life would be so much easier if you appreciate and handle the help you have at home with kindness and respect, he got in the jeep after the meeting and said “I guess you’re making a point? What the heck”

and I said “I don’t know why you’re upset….I haven’t done anything”

Life has been entirely better the last few days…..we seem to have a new comprehension of respecting each other’s time and efforts. You wonder exactly when the light came on for him…..
He said it was when friends at school were hearing him complain about the events and they said things like “my mom doesn’t make breakfast dude” “you mean your mom does your laundry still” “dude, you could get a job….you mean you get paid to do home chores?” and my personal favorite “dude, any day you want to trade spaces, I’ll take your mom and you can have mine!”

You gotta love kids…..but sometimes a mom’s gotta do what a mom’s gotta do….