I read an interesting article the other day that said that the first thing that the step mom had to do was decide if she was going to choose to “mother” the children under five living under her roof with her new husband. Now we’re not talking a woman who has visitation twice a month for 48 hours, but the article implied that the children brought into the marriage were not her problem nor her responsibility to help raise, that they were her husband’s.
hmm…
I can agree that one has to choose. I can even agree that in a marriage there might be a husband who would not expect his love, his wife to help rear his children under their room….but its not a world I am comfortable with…for if these two children under five are in their home seven days a week most of the month, if she’s not going to participate in their rearing, who exactly is?
I think as Christians we are called to care for any one who is in need of us…period. We are all protectors of the children, all responsible to keep them safe…but more over, a child under our roof is indeed ours, even if not by birth, we will be one of the most influencing people in their lives…whether welcomed or not…
For me personally….I would think Les was losing it if he had assumed because the two children I married aren’t “mine” that it was a choice for me to say “I’ll just do dinner for my two, you take care of yours” or have that attitude about anything to do with OUR blended family. But families work differently…and what works for mine might not work for yours.
What do you think as a stepmom or mom about a movement that says the custodial stepparent is not responsible for helping rear the children in her household? Could you live with a man as his wife and not partipate in the needs of the children being met?
I’d love to hear your comments…
Shayne and I got together when the children were 8,7,7,5,5,and 2. He had full custody of his 4 and I had full custody of my 2. Little to no “absent parent” participation. (even so, to this day). Children are now 19, 18, 18, 15, 15, and 13. At no time could I have EVER “not” been a parent to his children, or him to mine. They have always all been “ours”. The only reason I’ve ever had to differentiate is because with the girls being the same age (27 days apart) and 2 of the boys being the same age (20 days apart), if I didn’t explain, people always thought I had 2 sets of twins. His kids call me “Mom”, and my two call him “Dad”. Even if they didn’t, I’d still never leave all the parenting of “his kids” to him. And I know he would never do that to me. We are in this together.
Ellen,
I am in that space with you…from day one we became an “ours” in the loving of our children…differentiating only when we needed to for medical or legal permissions. Its not what everyone chooses, or what works for others, but in my Southern upbringing background, its who I can be….and the children aren’t necessarily limited to those in our household…we raise the whole county when they are around us!