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A dear friend and I were discussing the needs of an organization. She was impressed with the lack of self care focus from the team she was experiencing. The observation was “none of this group is selfish or out for self.” I disagreed with the premise that self could not be a part of the picture of health in a company or relationship. My belief is that the strength of leadership, particularly self leadership, is healthy self love. It is the blooming of this self love that makes us whole and able to give to others as our best self.
When we are in a situation where we neglect ourselves and neglect our own needs, we are unable to, without reservation, attend to what is before us. Neglecting the self’s joy in giving is a problem as well. if we do not have that self love, we are unable to share love with others. Too much focus on love outside of ourselves, money, or others is also just as disabling. Our ability to focus, to perceive, to become aware of who we are, changes dependent upon our ability to be at peace, that is to begin with self love or the fact that our basic needs are met. Too often that perceived need is focused from a financial black line standpoint, but I dare to say it…money is simply a tool.
Money, relationships, inheritances or any other “instant cures” are only examples of many kinds of provision that we wrongly perceive would resolve issues in our lives. However, they hold no superpowers or ability to permanently enrich our lives without other wealths of being existing in our spirit.
Any excess, without strength and wholeness in other areas of self discipline, self love, self respect and good judgment, are the tools of destruction in our lives. However, with the boundaries of mind and heart protection, good judgment, emotional maturity, educational awareness, relational experience, exposure to excellence, and appreciation for ease, it can be an amazing fuel.
Let me let know you what I mean. My father loves mathematics, but I am just beginning to truly embrace that math has so much more meaning in my life now that I’m forty-eight years old. Life is a like a mathematics equation. I now also love mathematics because there are solution sets that can be proven and some that require the correct solution set to resolve. When my children were growing up, it was not a solution set to buy more socks when I found out they didn’t have any enroute to a school district 30 miles from home, but it worked in the short term. Later that answer created more problems that only a different solution set could adequately solve. It took a fresh perspective of what was truly causing the issue, and that took time to think as well as enough inner peace to hear. Teaching them to do the laundry solved many issues that no amount of sock procurement could resolve. The solution set required some additional components: organization, storage, instruction, time management, but with it the prize was freedom from a mountain of socks and engagement of personal responsibility given to my growing children gave their feet warmth and protection.
Just as with my children, life requires an appropriate solution set to choose from to balance our experiences. Too often without a range of solution sets possible, the problem may be solved, but the answer is incorrect or null or perhaps even impossible. Like thinking obtaining money or have a clean house will solve the problem when, in fact, the system involved in daily life is going to have to change to prevent the problem from repeating. When we have actions, habits, and thoughts the solutions may always not be apparent. However with enough range we are more clearly able to see that the equation may have many solutions that solve, or allow for multiple methodologies to solve, the equation yet maintain the truth of the solve. I call them thoughts, skills, habits, and structures. When enough perspective is involved, needed options become apparent as a solution set, not simply the old answers, which were never going to be a solution.
Perhaps you are in the space of needing more peace in your heart. Your solution set involves more this, more that, and a tad bit more of something else too. It hasn’t worked, it isn’t increasing peace, and/or you cannot get to where it is you think that “more” is. Then someone shows or models to you that peace within your spirit is possible. The entire world tilts with that first experience. It’s intoxicating, it’s strange and uncomfortable to those lost in chaos, but with the presence of peace, it becomes a powerful resource for empowerment from our Creator, whether it is recognized or not. The highly prized experience fuels additional growth, ideas, and peace through its presence.
It is in the wild experiences of my jungle life surrounding me, that I understand that inner peace is about how many of my own personal systems are engaged in peaceful existence so that I can stretch to overcome what has become undone. Those systems came from learning what peace felt like, from learning what didn’t create it and how to overcome the lack of it. Once I had experienced peace, it became a presence I sought in my moment by moment existence in relationship to a God I hadn’t known could be so ever present through the amplification of His provision in my life. My husband had that kind of peace when I met him…and I wanted it. (it didn’t hurt when he looked good in jeans and boots either). The old verses and childhood stories came into play, “we love Him because he first loved us…” and it’s true for your children, your spouse, and your organization too. Love them first, and they will love you as they are able to experience that joy in discovering their own self-love.
Suddenly the need for inner order becomes in focus. If outer order was any indicator in my life, I was and am in for a challenging learning experience.
A joyful place… that place inside where we are aware that we were created for a purpose, loved by our creator, and designed to love others through the use of the gifts that are ours. It doesn’t mean the work doesn’t exist or that the laundry pile isn’t 40 loads high, it simply means that our peace and joy is present as we function through the relationships and systems that are in our life…
from a joyful place…
P.S. By the way, I loved my own “self” enough to bring home a new purse from the store yesterday….you see, sometimes it’s not about working hard or diligence, it’s about celebrating the work in our life through loving yourself with its spoils! (Yes, Phyl, it was, you guessed it…ON SALE, 50% off throughout the store and 65% off one item with a specific coupon…wheeee!)
