Sometimes you just have to allow the pain. Friends disappoint, sad things happen, or unexpectedly something is simply gone. Too often in this go go go world we do not allow the season of mourning. I can remember when my first husband left. We were in graduate school, I had summer finals the next day. One moment I thought I was happily married, the next I found out that had all been an illusion. Do you think there was time to allow the pain? Uhm…no. Graduate arguments were scheduled that week so literally I looked at my mom and said “I can’t do this now, I have months of research and effort put into finishing this degree….he’s not coming back, at least I can salvage this, and powered through the next 2 days of panels and arguments. Except it didn’t stop, after passing the verbals, then there was a cross country move to the new job, then the new job turned into administration….before I looked twice it was four years later. Keep on keeping on is something we hear often, but when do we actually allow ourselves to stop, allow feeling, and then healing of the wounds in life. Too often the answer is we don’t. We have to feel. We have to hurt. We have to process the pain that comes into our lives. Take time to feel, so that that undealt with emotion doesn’t become toxic inside of you.
In the last few years I was given a word illustration that really has impacted my personal and professional life. Give pardon, excuse the unexcused by taking it visually to the throne room of God and laying the burden down. You don’t have to understand why they did it, why they continue doing it, but you are simply asking God on your behalf to pardon whatever the problem was, their part of it, your part of it, all of it. You see in this scenario the only person you can forgive is yourself, you can pardon others. You know your own mistakes, if you are repentant and can choose to forgive your mistakes….but the thought pattern was, you cannot forgive someone for their mistakes, you don’t know their heart, you don’t know their situation to change, but you can give your pardon and ask God’s pardon for whatever it was they did. You can release the burden from your heart and ask God to forgive it. It’s a syntax difference but one that agrees with the Hebrew concept of what forgiveness is, which is very different than asking for and receiving pardon. It is very easy for me personally to forgive, I guess I know how many ways I am imperfect, so it is easy for me to allow others to be too. It doesn’t seem to matter how ugly the sin, I know that my own isn’t lovely either… What about you?
Learn. Really. Put 2 and 2 together. If you keep returning to the same situations in life take time to learn. Maybe you are choosing people to be friends who are simply good at telling you what you want to hear in order to get what they want to get. Learn. Maybe you keep telling yourself it’s okay to help those who won’t help themselves, which in more specific terms is enabling, not empowering. Learn. Maybe you want to be available for dinner with your family, but you don’t leave the office until after dinner. Learn. Our words matter Our integrity with ourselves and others matter, we truly want to change, we do. If we simply think we might consider changing, we don’t. Learn the steps it takes to go where you want to go with your life. It turns out that learning what it takes often means its much easier than you thought….just one step at a time forward. If you can’t put 2 and 2 together, ask God for wisdom. God promises wisdom for those who ask….He will never break that promise.
Let Go. Let go of your past. Let go of who hurt you. Let go of what is robbing you of the joy God gives you for today. Let go. Let go of some ancient thing you did or didn’t do. Let go of that identity that no longer is you, let go. Let go of the woulda, shoulda, coulda’s and become who you are, embrace what is. Allow what is to be in alignment to what you believe is true. Stop playing the “Someday” game and begin to embrace “this is my life…just as it is right now” game, and if changes are needed, then own them, if you take a moment to consider, you might just be surprised how happy and prosperous your life is…Let Go of what you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are. You are enough right where you are. God uses all things for good, so simply go forward and wait to see just how he uses what was done to harm you for good….sometimes its breathtaking to see just how he turns that around…I’ve lived it! Do what you know to do right now, what’s put in front of you today. God whispers the smallest urges…listen for them and do them…and soon it will be second nature to live in His path for you…and you will find peace and joy in that journey.
Forgiveness of your own heart and actions matter. Maybe you’ve let yourself down. Maybe you made horrific mistakes in your life. Maybe you are so hard on yourself that no one could beat you with a stick and hold a candle to what you do to yourself with your self talk. Forgive yourself. We all make mistakes. We all do ridiculous things for ridiculous reasons. Own your mistakes, and take your heart to God and ask for His forgiveness and then work on your own as well. There is no glory in self mutilation or self abuse, in fact, it simply keeps you from being obedient to God’s call to love others as ourselves. It’s a form of pride to say “I’m the worst of the worst” instead of accepting God’s countenance and forgiveness to overcome whatever it was. Embrace God’s word, release guilt, shame, and blame and be who you were created to be….God’s most loved creation…..and go forward in love.
Fantastic, fantastic advice.