Qualifiers. The benchmarks that support success. Do you have qualifiers in your life? Do you take time to qualify what is allowed in your life whether it is a person, activity, or event? When my life gets over busy, over stressed, or simply blah I begin to go back to the qualifiers that I have set for my daily experience. After reading Allyson Lewis’s The 7 Minute Life, Brene’ Brown’s Daring Greatly and Danielle LaPorte’s books I have focused on some qualifiers that are dividing tools for how and when I spend my time, friendships, and engagements. As a life long pleaser, something had to give, I was good at pleasing but the cost of containing the emotions, the exhaustion, and the headaches were often too high a price to pay for folks who didn’t value the effort to begin with, and it surely didn’t lead me to peace.
My qualifiers began with the basics:
Can this activity or person assist me into being a healthier, better, or stronger skilled person?
Will this be safe for me? Will it cause harm to my physical, financial, or emotional self?
Do the values involved in this relationship/activity support those I align to?
After the basics are handled, the next three come into play:
Is this supporting or working towards a goal I have for my right now life?
Is the activity or friendship fun, enjoyable, meaningful or engaging?
Is this a place or person I wish to be with?
Then if the decision is still hard, I’ll go to these:
Is this worth giving up time with my family member(s?
Am I stressing, guilting, or shaming by engaging with this activity or person?
Is this an expense of time, money, or energy I can afford?
The last sixty days many things in my schedule were put on hold while I cared for my father. When I returned home there were only eight things I truly missed on my schedule of things I never wanted to be away from that long again. Very eye opening. As 2014 begin, I know those are the eight I will remain engaged with this year in my planning for this year. The qualifiers list changed when I realized that if I didn’t anticipate the time with the person or activity, or miss it when it was absent, it probably needed to go. Good things are not God things in my life. God things bring peace, provision, purpose, good things or pleaser things typically bring other problems.
What are your qualifiers for activities and people in your life?
