There is not a human on earth who is like the other. God is good like that….even identical twins have their own identities and personalities. For that I am thankful. When that rare moment in adulthood comes that you find that person who is someone you can relate to, its like finding that first blooming dogwood or the first yellow jonquil of Spring, its a simply happy moment. I’ve been blessed with several new friends in the last few weeks. One who shares my growing up background in a small Southern town, who can talk about creaming corn and sharing Grapettes with siblings. The joy that brings me is immense, for I am not a city girl by birth, but a rural Arkansas doctor’s daughter.
The more I experience many different cities, cultures, and biomes in my 43 years the more I realize my own life is more and more about being okay with who I am. I am a giver, one who truly loves to see other’s suceed. One who cares deeply for those I choose to be in my inner circles. One who forgives easily and holds loyalty as a standard for friendship. When you are a high creative high energy girl, you need a LOT of grace with friendships. I’m not detail driven except in artistic venues and writing, I’m not one who will perhaps notice the koolaid stain on my shirt….but I am one who lives passionately and transparently…..so if you were looking for a publically masked persona….well …I’m just not your girl.
Differences are good….we are all owners of our own experiences. Many of mine have involved scars that have allowed me to love others more deeply and with abandon for I have seen life ebb away with my mother’s cancer and I have known instant loss in my 16 year old nephew’s sudden death. I simply think I don’t have time to waste on strife….God urges me to help where I can, learn what I need to learn and to go where He sends me. The older I get, the more I seek only His approval….only His direction…..for the rest of us, well, we’re acquaintances, but God’s approval and path for my life is my goal. Its okay if my acquaintances don’t know Him, or even want to….but I must be me and that means doing the best I can with where I am at until I can do better.
My life used to involve alot of control. Try to control what people think of me, what people can expect of me, and to perform at highest level on my goals or not at all. Now my life is about surrender….surrender to God’s plan for my life…surrender to God’s urgings and whisperings to love others….surrender to a life of service. Its been a difficult confrontation to meet myself and my selfish desires and to face them and let them go…..sometimes even painful as God steers me to some folks and at times away from others…..but in this journey called life I think I have one lesson about down…..that to love others as myself I must first love me……and though it is hard at times, I am continually awed by a God who knew every mistake I would ever make long before I arrived and yet He loves me still. What a gift……this relationship with our Creator.
