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ReMarriage Primer: Lesson One

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The Queen Mum’s Guide to a Happy Home
date-noun; time away intended to allow recoupling, stress relief, fun, and closeness of two people otherwise identified elsewhere as the stepmonsters, wicked stepmother or her husband…often the targets of minor children who do not find unity except in their alliance in taking down the step and blended parents. Date night is not dependent upon possession of large amounts of time, money, nor equipment. Best planned regularly and often to overcome the stresses of daily life, work, home keeping, and budgetary issues.
LESSON NUMBER ONE:

Couples should consistently and often be required to actually take time out as a couple, flying solo without children/stepchildren, even if it means locking themselves in the bathroom and turning on the shower (to drown out the beating of the door by the children) while they kiss for 2 minutes in privacy, or simply hold each other tightly…or parking at Sonic and sharing a cherry coke at the 1/2 price hours if that’s what money allows, water from the hose in the yard if it takes it (they won’t look for you by the spigot…for a while…

Whatever it takes to step outside the target zone of being stepmom and/or stepdad (what, you didn’t know that you wear a great big red target that says “here, send your arrows of frustration here, aim your hurt heart’s anger here, or my favorite, “push this person’s buttons because she’s safe to vent your life’s frustrations on”
Set aside these time outs for smooching, walking hand in hand, and simply holding each other and talking about anything but home….as often as needed to remember WHY you got into this sometimes messy marriage and life! Hint: if the day has been really stressful, don’t even leave the conversation to chance, use movie attendance or renting to give yourselves a time out from continuing to talk about the problems and simply enjoy snuggling while watching a good movie, preferably a comedy! (hold spouse’s hand and sneak a kiss regularly) Rome wasn’t built in a day and stepfamily issues won’t be solved in one either.

Warning: excessive postphonement of your marriage’s requirements to have laughter and romance will lead to frustration, resentment, and emotional isolation…..and in extreme cases, seperation and divorce. Date nights/days/afternoons can simply be escapes arranged by secret post its for a 5 minute meetup away from tormenting children, testosterone poisoned teenage boys, or tweens whose hormones have declared a civil war within her….If desperate for time, smooching in the car after dropping children at soccer, football, or church choir. Warning: steaming up car windows will arouse the suspicions of your church league friends…and keep the rumor mills running. We’re firm supporters of your local economy….keep your romance alive at home!

Rx for difficult days. Pray first as long as necessary to find calm again if not peace, then pray continuously…. take time out with your spouse daily for quiet moments shared in embraces, silence, and with a healthy dose of kisses and hugs. Increase dosage as necessary to overcome the complexities of stepfamily life. Pray together, bearing your hearts outloud in front of one another…always looking into each others eyes if hard things are to be said…for it’s hard to be ugly when you’re seeing the hurt it causes in the one you love.

Rx for stressful stepfamily weeks…pray harder! Ask God to help you stop the strife in your home. Refuse to participate in kind with those egging anger/upset on! Set aside at least one hour away from the children, ground rules are no child talk or heated discussions about children…simply an hour adoring the one you married (even if you wanted to pull his head off when you left for the date) Dates planned should not be canceled due to strife….satan works triply hard to make sure you get no stress relief….by all means, go out on the date….kill him with kindness if it takes faking it till you make it…but she who comes home happier wins!

God is good!

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  1. take it from a woman in the middle of a divorce she did not want: DO take time out for yourselves! MAKE the time, no matter what. If I had made those efforts, I might not be where I am now.

    Shan, you have no. idea. how much I *heart* you for following God's leading and sharing. I am so blessed to call you my friend, you give me so much encouragement!!