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The Rest of the Story…continued

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An example of a conversation I had with myself was this: “Is the important thing to me Christmas morning with our children or is it the gathering to share time and down time, food, and fellowship together?” As a blended family, we juggle two families’ schedules, four grandparents’ schedules and to be perfectly blunt, exchanging children on Christmas Day is not fun for anyone. We chose instead to give our children’s other parents the entire Christmas holiday most years, and enjoy the time with them at Easter and before school let out for the holidays. All sides agreed to that schedule (proof that miracles do exist) and we’ve had a much less stressful holiday life since that decision. We still have time together, we don’t have the hustle or bustle of trying to make it all happen in 48 hours. We could make it a longer, more relaxed family time and it just works. We still have the traditional family meal I grew up with before Christmas, just not on Christmas eve. We began a new tradition, my husband and I, of a Christmas Eve alone by candlelight. Some years my husband is deployed, others we’re together, but our family gathers in late November…with only two still at home Christmas picture coordination is easier the big kids have their own households…but it still is an annual tradition.
LIkewise, when they travel to see grandparents, I plan to travel for clients or work heavily out of town so they don’t feel the pinch of my heavy time away. Learning that the toxic zone after a project ends or visitation exchanges last 2-3 days, I now plan for those nights to be pre-planned comfort food meals in the freezer before the last few weeks of big projects hit or child transition happens. When my world looks like this in a hotel room somewhere away from home in the middle of a project push
I find comfort in the systems that support our family. Knowing that there are 3-5 nights worth of home cooked meals in our freezer than any child, teen, or any one of us can have ready in sixty minutes is just the best after a hurried finish for media projects, start ups, or a push for a project close. That preparation is worth the time to prepare because it supports our budget, my stress load, and our comfort.
My husband and children are all cooks, we all enjoy being in the kitchen, but it makes my time traveling for projects work when they know I planned for life to go smoothly whether or not I’m home in time for dinner on those days. Eating together matters to our family, so even when I travel, we try to make sure home life goes on as usual. My husband deploys to the Middle East semi regularly, and we plan to Skype him in when the war allows ( I haven’t quite tamed that monster yet…darn thing regularly disrupts our life)…even if it means he stays up to see the children at the regular check in time….our dinner table. Actually at our house its the kitchen together..for cutting, chopping, and preparing food time is our fun time together and a good way to stay in conversation with each other.
At different periods of my adult life I’ve had part time hours to eighty hour weeks due to production schedules. Most businesses have smooth, surge, and slow periods. Understanding that my career life has a continuing somewhat predictable schedule of what I call evergreen events (annual periods of push) I plan my time for down time, special outings, and extra fun times to be just before those periods hit. We also plan for a family night out the Friday night after the event. The first few days after a deadline we just need sleep!
Our family doesn’t want quality time together 24/7, but with two teens still at home, it is important we connect at dinner, that Mom and Dad are there for sports, horse competitions, etc. We choose carefully what happens inside and outside our home and one of rules is that no one works more than 1 sport or big activity, or project per season including the adults. I may have eight projects going on, but only one major production at a time such as a reality show or book script. If Dad is on deployment, I work more carefully on what projects I choose. Home life doesn’t work when we are all on the go all the time. Career life doesn’t support home life for our family if it means I am going all the time. At our home Dad can be gone 6 to 12 months at a time for the government, but about the 5th day the house suffers if I am not there, and the children simply don’t like being alone with caregivers. I have to choose what events, meetings and appointments are truly necessary or beneficial. It’s flowing with the punches when things don’t go well, like a room under construction on a night I’m dealing with a live streamed televised event from remote controls in Alabama. It may not be very modern, but in our home Mom is still Mom, and that means I choose to love that role. I know they grow up entirely too fast before you know it.
The important questions for our family are all about what is the value of what we’re engaging with, how much time together or away from each other does it cost our family. We carefully weigh the cost proposition of what we are doing to the peace for each of us. Profitability for our family is not just about how much money it makes us, it has to work to profit our family for the time taken away from it as well. Likewise, I schedule time with each of our children as well as my husband to have “at home” alone time as well as play dates to make sure we have enough down time as individuals and as a couple. We have planned for time for our children with their original parent alone consistently for a decade, sometimes we just need time with the originals 1:1. Sometimes just the boys go hunting, other times we have Girl’s Night’s Away to shop….we all have time doing the fun things we enjoy with the parent/child who enjoys that with us.

It is my personal experience that no one can have it all. There are seasons in life. At 47 I am more aware that there are only 3 years left with children at home…some things cannot be “done later.”Our daughter’s educational needs meant she needed to be home schooled, (she’s dyslexic and dysgraphic) it was obvious as a former educator, that was going to be put on my side of the to-do list. Did it affect my ability to continue to work, absolutely! It allowed/encouraged/forced me to find new perspectives in how to make my professional life work. When we choose to be aware of what is important to the individuals we love and ourselves and plan to be supportive of those experiences, life works better for me as an individual and as a bride, mom, step mom, and entrepreneur. My family is willing to forgive my schedule shortcomings and I theirs when tough times do come because we focus on not doing that. We try to keep basic systems in place to make things work for all of us. Girlfriends and professional pals have helped me personally to have real conversations, transparent friendships to keep us all focused on what matters. Your support system matters, part of making home and career work for me is having close, reliable, committed friends who help support each other in our goals.

Making home and work life function is a dance, at times it is a lovely waltz, at others a frantic jitterbug, every now and then it feels like the Robot but like all dances, it is best spent not sitting back wishing you could sway to life’s music….it’s awkward at times, but before long, with trial and error, we all learn what style works for us.

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  1. Yup, it definitely is a bit of a juggling act sometimes, but as long as we prioritize all the important things, it all seems to fall into place at the end. And I know that what I thought was important, wasn’t so much, when it meant that I got to have some fun with my kiddos.

    • Dear Joyce,
      I am SO glad you came by today. You always have the gift of making me feel we’re talking and sharing face to face. Thanks for the visit!
      hugs
      Sweetie