The Step daughter’s Wedding

We’re getting ready for a wedding trip in another state. Our oldest daughter, my step daughter is getting married during the Easter season. Yesterday I was out shopping for a few outfits to wear on the trip….exactly what does one wear to a step daughter’s wedding? You see, the wedding will be at a Cowboy Church in another state, so my Southern upbringing doesn’t cover what looks good with boots in church. Meanwhile there are all the little issues like not over doing it, caring not to be the “high fallutin” step mother, nor the one perceived as seeking attention…for the bride and groom and her mother are the focus this weekend… and it is my best intention to simply be a support system for all of them. Whatever that means….
Now one who hasn’t navigated the often murky waters of blended bliss….the channel is a little different. You see its like navigating politics in a deep Southern BBQ joint…..you step lightly and sit carefully and keep your mouth shut a lot except to enjoy the delicious main events with your children and stepchildren. In my case, I’m the 3rd wife of her father….and final one if he knows what’s good for him! 🙂 The Bride’s mother and I do fine together, she knows I have had this child in my home for 3 years of her life, and she had from birth until they divorced when daughter was about 11. We both just want this child to be happy and support her and each other the best we can. Now I’m going to be coming into her mother’s territory….in another state…where the paternal and maternal grandparents all live. Its a little like walking into the dark where a lot of potholes exist…..you have to step carefully for you know the holes are out there.
The risk is always not understanding another’s point of view. We’ve relayed to our daughter/stepdaughter that we are here in any way she wishes us to partipate…and in fact even offered to not participate if it would relieve her stress load. However daughter wants us there, wants me there, and away we go. Meanwhile we’ve been preparing the other children to be available if possible and to work out visitation schedules so in fact we can all go…..which means handling the 5 dogs, 4 fish, and rabbit elsewhere while we travel 1000 miles together in a weekend to go.
There was a day when I would have been left out of felt misplaced if I wasn’t very included in the wedding plans and preparations. Almost seven years down the road though, I find it freeing to offer to help, but to put the responsibility of asking on daughter….for it is my personal opinion that help is not help if its not asked for. When others “help” me without my desire for it, it often is perceived in my life as control, pushiness or interruptions to what I am trying to do….so I am learning to be gracious, offering yet waiting and accepting stepdaughter’s decisions….it is her day! Her dad will walk her down the aisle. I will sit with her step siblings and be happy for her and help in any way that is needed….God is good…and a wedding should be a happy thing.