I am all about children and was particularly intrigued about this one. I went over and asked what his name was and he told me. He gave me dubious eye contact as if to say “who wants to know” and I thanked him for listening and responding. We both watched a hot air balloon being unloaded. He asked questions that would make a college professor proud. I answered with the information I had. The four year old listened, watched, and then asked more questions.
I looked for an adult attached to this child. None stepped up. I asked about where was the adult and was shown a seven year old girl who was “watching” him while the adults were somewhere else. She seemed so sorry she couldn’t fix whatever she was now responsible for…which I assured her she wasn’t as we got them both a snack and water on a hot day.
There were horses and tractors and adult danger items. I had already heard that said child had run up to a horse he didn’t know in a barn, which could lead to serious trampling issues with the horse chosen. There was correction given, twice so, but as often the case happens, the correction was “don’t do that” “Son…NO!!” with no explanation for a curious mind as to why mimicking what he had just witnessed the adult do with moving a horse in the pasture with hands stretched upward was wrong when he did it.
Again the adults near me shook their heads and said disparaging words about this 4 year old. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what child they were talking about. The child I was engaged with was engaging. He was hungry for engagement. He had taken my hand readily and had listened to my questions and given me great answers….he wanted to understand, to know, to “get it”
Key word: engagement.
This child is curious, intelligent, soft, and yet savvy on handling life on his own. Too much so. He lives in a home that has provision for him materially, but apparently he’s on his own emotionally. We waited in line for the hot air balloon ride. He loved it so much he waited twice…to be told by adults around him that when everyone else had gone he could go again.
He dutifully waited without complaining for an hour in the sun, in the heat. More than most adults would have….and through an unfortunately communication between adults lapse, when it was his turn, he was told “No son, you had your turn.” He cried, whale level tears….and I couldn’t save him.
The powers that be saw him as a “spoiled child”….I saw him as a human who was simply accidentally lied to by people he trusted. He followed their rules, he waited his time, he stayed in boundaries of what was expected while waiting. He was simply disappointed greatly that after he had tried so hard to be good, he was told “you already did this, go back to the play area.”
and I wanted to cry with him. He’s f o u r people.
A life time of working with behavior disordered gifted children.
The story is the often the same.
It’s not that they were awful (which they can be) on purpose. It’s not that they don’t do that which astounds us all (burning down the playground treehouse in one student’s case) but 100% of the time
the problems come because these very very smart children are left to fend for themselves….very often they are living with five adult’s sets of rules before they even get to my classroom. Early morning daycare, buses across from preschool to school, the cafeteria worker’s words, the duty teacher’s procedures, then by 8 am they are expected to be excited about coming to my domain….have you had 5 bosses with 5 different sets of rules lately?
and no one seems to think “bad parent” when the child acts out…or “neglected child”..when the child is crying alone in the pasture….or “talented” child when he figures out how to get his needs met when no one else is meeting them…
They think
“Spoiled child” “irritating child” “bad child” “awful kid”
which in the big picture is not the case at all if you had spent the afternoon with me watching this child who was kind, sharing, engaging, and so wanted to simply understand his world and be accepted when he did good..this child who so readily held my hand and walked and talked with me like a child hungry for warmth…
isn’t it what we all want?
<sigh>
