Five weeks ago week I began attending a new ladies Bible study in our church, the study is one in which we will focus on how to allow the Holy Spirit to guide us in our Bible study personally…and how to begin to consistently allow God to direct our paths on a very personal level. The questions for homework are provoking and honestly sometimes I just want to say “I am not going there, its not worth it” but I have been led back to the questions time and time again this week in my thought life. Today, an unrelated read also mentioned something that has been tugging at my heart. A simple cry from my heart that has become a roar….one that I know is being encouraged from God to seek Him with as I approach facing the answers that the questions bring.
I want to be my best me for God.
Boy in a performance based world, one in which I am from a highly competitive family, BEST has alot of negative connotations. Bottom line, best is never quite good enough in my past. Choosing to tell God I want to be my BEST me for Him is risking that He might, like my earthly family, say “you’re not enough.”
deep sigh.
But to not face that this is indeed what my heart is crying would be to turn my back on where my heart wants to go….whether it be in my physical health, my marriage, my homekeeping, my parenting…my reaching out to others…..
God certainly doesn’t expect perfection or more than I can handle….that’s me, all me, that places those burdens on myself. I’m too often an all or nothing kind of girl…..either its perfection or its perfectly not even attempted…..somewhere in the discipline of consistency will I know that God indeed finds a way for me to give him my best me.
I saw a quote from someone who has lost 200 lbs in the last four years….”My best me began when I realized that the continued path of small choices I made each day was what led me to being where I didn’t want to be” in the same way, consistent small things will lead to me becoming the me I want to be….it won’t happen in a day, or a week, or even a month, but as I choose to let God show me the things he wants from me and do each small thing, they will change me just as the old bad choices did.
Amen and amen.
I feel guilty almost all the time deep in my heart. Guilty that I am not better, that my home is not cleaner, guilt that I haven’t shown my husband how much he truly matters to me more often, I know most days that I indeed don’t come near hitting the mark…..but guilt is not where God intends for me to be either…nor in fear…nor in denial.
So today I choose to be my best me for God….and that begins right now with choosing to put away my kitchen as I nurture my family with cleanliness…..for it is the first thing that I know to do to be a bettter me!
God is good….allow him to envelop you with his never ending love for you.
