At the beginning of this summer we faced a family situation that would perhaps rock our world and change where our second son lived. It was an utter shock to find out he had decided that he might wish to live at his natural father’s. I have to be transparent, it shook me to my inner core. My first two days were in a flurry of tears, shock, anger, and fear that life as I knew it was about to change. It wasn’t that his father and other grandparents couldn’t love him, care for him, or that he would be in harm’s way there, it was more a flat fear that I would lose the closeness I have with my son. The very fact he had not told me his ponderings until the day he left left my heart bruised, bleeding and empty.
God has a way of showing us things when we will listen in our despair. I turned to Him and wailed. First there were the selfish tears, the “I want my way and my way is best” then slowly Scripture and prayers brought me to the more truthful position of “God I don’t like this one bit, but if it is your will, help me to allow him to go” to the final weeks when I simply prayed “Father, help me to be submissive to Your will, whatever it is.” It took fve weeks truthfully, and meanwhile God sent so many opportunities to see His works I began to understand even this bump in the road had been well known and planned for.
Today I am still two weeks out before son2 is to come home. We will spend at least 3 weeks together before making a final decision about the fall. My heart still aches at the possibility of him going to school where his dad is…but truthfully I’ve raised him for 15 years now and the boy may simply need to be with his natural Dad for a season. God has given me peace either way. Legally the battle is won, its my decision…that was never the question, but making heart choices is more the grace I ask for from God, the courage to do what’s right, not just to exercise control over our children.
This morning Daughter 2 is home, she was homesick and came home two weeks early. I spent the weekend with son2 and many members of my maternal family at a reunion. I dropped him off at basketball camp and headed 9 hours home without him…. As I was reading my Bible verses this morning Psalms 112 had new meaning to me “They do not fear bad news, they confidently trust the Lord to care for them” For I do know, God is God and He has a plan…..and its a plan to grow me, to strengthen me, and to allow me to trust Him. Today is the Lord’s day and I will be glad in it.
God is good, All the time.
Sweetie
