Tuesday changes….

This morning there was a fall chill in the air as I took Chase to Austin to school. Home again, the kitchen is clean, the mornign quiet as daughter is still asleep. The asthma season of fall makes her nights tough, so we have moved school to afternoons and late mornings. Its a welcome change.
Last night I tried a recipe using Grand biscuits with chicken pot pie fillings. Let me be the first to tell you, it didn’t work. It looked great but the bread was too much, too heavy, and perhaps if I had used puff pastry it would have worked….but biscuits, uhm no.
Lately I have tried several new recipes in our daily life, and it turns out, that very few of them were keepers. Innovation seemed a worthwhile endeavor, but then again, as my Dh pointed out, what we were doing for menus not only worked, they were welcomed and enjoyed…..so perhaps the innovation is not necessary nor welcomed.
Its been almost the same conversation with myself in many facets of my life. Perhaps boredom, perhaps need for change, but the last few months, I took my daily schedule, that was working for us, and added and changed much of it thinking for an improved life. Instead, I opened up a can of crazy stress and while some financial goals were met, the costs perhaps were much more expensive than the gain.
Truth is, right now, my husband and my children need a wife and a mother. Its not that its wrong for me to do other things on the side of those two responsibilities, but in my heart of hearts, I need them to be the focused joy, not the “have to’s” on any given day. My time with the children particularly is so dwindling, and I do not wsh to look back on year seven and say “wow, I really succeeded…” only to find that they are now gone, having not had me the time they were home.
More than that…trusting God means to wait upon him for answers, not to feel obligated and in need to “control” whatever we’re facing by my own solutions. Dh and I have both been guilty on that one, taking back control from God of our needs and provision.
Its hard to walk in obedience……and sometimes very hair raising for those of us who like “1 2 3 results” but God has a plan for my life, a plan for good….and I’d prefer to live it under his leadership and not my own……tough stuff this thing called life and all the decisions about it…..but this morning after a difficult, heart wrenching decision, I know peace again……heaven only knows why…but I know that Christ brings me peace, so at least I am beginning on the right path ….and we’ll see where He leads…..