Wedneday tales

Do you ever feel like the title of my blog? “She’s So there, where ever THERE is, she’ll find it yet” I have …..and do. I so want to be in alot of “theres” in my life. I want to be the wife he’s proud of, the mother they need me to be, the “there” that has a system in place for a clean enough house that is welcoming to others…the one who has it financially together……..and yet sometimes the thing that I think most of all is “If I knew how to get to that place, I’d surely choose to be “there” I have spent much energy in the search for the “there” that will somehow transport me to the “she’s arrived” spot in my life….somewhere, out there, if I can only get to it….

Are you following me?

So many of the places we think our paths should go we do in fact know how to get to without more knowledge….but we are too stubborn, too unwilling, too set in our own paths to go down that path. I personally know how to load, unload, fold and iron clothes…..but there would be very little proof of that if you walked through our home this morning…..I just will.not.submit to the concept that it has to be done consistently not to pile up on me. Yes, there are other answers, I could hire it done, get rid of many of the clothes that way me down….make my children do more of the loads, or choose not to let it bother me (my favorite) but the consistency thing matters …whether it be in stewardship with money, weight management, daily accomplishments,…. time growing in relationships with God…everything….

and its not just the lack of consistency I’d like to wash right out of the truths in my life

I sit here this morning and think I am so the rebellious child as an adult that frustrates me as I see it in my older children. Doesn’t he know he has to budget, doesn’t she know she has to look past some wedding to realize she has to prepare to live a life with that man….Darn it, I know how to eat healthily…but I want to believe the calorie laws don’t apply to me as they do to every other human on the earth… I want to believe if I don’t exercise and moderate what goes in, the shape that my body becomes will somehow magically not happen…..simply because I don’t want to believe that a healthy body requires healthy activities and a healthy moderation of food intake. …its much more fun to think if only this or that something could change….instead of changing what is at hand.

I have a friend who is so abilitied….I love to sit an simply appreciate all that she is…..but even in her world, the balance between consistently doing the mundane is what allows her brilliance to matter when the count is down….without the mundane being handled, the upsets of not doing them cost even her world financially more than the brilliance can overcome. We have to keep our life systems operating consistently to allow for creative things to happen.

We all set such high demands on what we wish to achieve…..strong marriages, strong families, for some of us strong businesses, while maintaining activities in home, church, friendships and activities that all require of us too…..yet in the fierce fight to “achieve the American dream” we sometimes set the bar entirely too high for ourselves….and something has to give….and too often its the activities and time with those who matter most to us who pay….and the time required to truly do the things that matter most with those we love….and ourselves…..

I am really trying to be careful this year…in this year I am choosing to identify what being my “Best Me” is……and making choices to only spend time wanting to be and go to places that support and affirm what God and I are revealing to be what He sees as my “best me” places……man its hard work, for the world, family, and those who surround me for years have affirmed that some of the places I was shooting for were valid and worthwhile places to achieve and good to strive towards……yet God is peeling back the layers of whys I want to go there…..and underneath some of those “THERES” on the road map of my “arrival” places, the arrivals have indeed not been worth the cost of the trip, and the truth was, the achievement was very much not worth the cost to myself or others that matter to me….often the glory of achieving “there” was something false to begin with, more money, fame, or acclaim at times were not as affirming or fulfilling as once they were thought to be. …in fact, without supporting the things I loved on all levels, the glory was indeed only self serving.

So maybe this year, instead of always looking ahead, always planning for the next arrival…..I’ll spend more time being present in the moment…..being where I am….contentedly, lovingly, purposefully…..and while that doesn’t leave out improving where I am or one day may be…..it also doesn’t mean that HERE, this present moment, doesn’t have gifts of its own for me and those around me.

God is good….