Being a step mom and mom in a blended family means new angles on how parenting gets handled. You see, in a nuclear family, there is no one for the child to go to outside his parents….but in our blended families, a parent is aware every day that not only are children capable of “telling” on you to the other parent who may or may not agree with your parenting methods, in extreme cases, your child may end up at another household because you held boundaries of behavior expectations.
Yuck, huh?
At teenage years, children of divorce are more at risk. They have additional emotional struggles as they define who they are as teens. They have most likely been through emotional heart aches and questions as to their identity more so than their non blended family peers. They are aware in a very real sense that sometimes things don’t work out and people leave or stop being near you.
I am an advocate for children, parents, and districts who deal with children. One of the reoccuring themes of my role as an advocate is to be presented with a child who has misbehaved. In many years of working with these children and their environmental people I am convinced that poor behavior choices are often linked to a lack of identity within the family or within Christ’s greater family. Children use alcohol, acting out, drugs, and sex to search for some “feel a part” cure they are missing in their hearts. Often parents are so busy punishing the behavior choice they forget to work on the part that began the spiral downward…..the child or teens lack of self love and a lack of feeling loved by others…..and very often the child or teen has found themselves trapped in a vicious cycle of acting out, more rejection and additional issues caused by the acting out.
We must always as parents, stop worrying about what others may think, do, or say, and do what is right for the child. Forgive the child for his actions, yet hold he/she accountable for his choices. We cannot be afraid to parent our children……they have had enough loss in their lives, they need one thing to be clear…..we will risk the stake to fight for their healthy lives until we see them through!
