Written also at She’s So There….
There it was again, a precious Bible study friend was sharing with me and we were assigned to pray for one another as part of the lesson. “You have problems with your step child don’t you?” I wanted to answer loudly, “no the one I have problems with is my NATURAL child” yet her words made my heart catch again, for the assumed issue in any blended family is the “step” part of the family. All children in a blended family have their own issues. My oldest and firstborn natural son became child #3 and the 2nd to the youngest when I remarried. Talk about a career move from top dog to middle mut. Suddenly his whole world changed. My oldest stepson, who had previously been the red headed baby in his former world, was now the oldest boy in the house and expected to act alot more grown that he was used to… Double whammy for a twelve year old! My stepdaughter, who at 16 hardly had hung out a “Stepmother wanted” sign on her wish list, suddenly had three younger children watching everything (and reporting) she did. Then there was Madison, the child who at five suddenly had three older siblings and a new Stepdad all thinking they were in charge of her choices and options.Whew, blended families have a lot to blend. The dynamics at home are hard enough, but when the public perceptions, even in the church, are so strongly ingrained in “Step Family = Discord and Upset, Messy” its an uphill battle. On top of that, imagine learning all the new grooves a family of six requires after being a single mom of two small children, or two teenagers, and combining it with a cross country move, a new job, and very different financial boundaries….well, you understand right away while 70% of remarriages with children at home fail in the first 18 months. I’d say from our experience, that most of them are having a hard time finding a support system within their church as well, for its simply not something most churches recognize nor develop programs for, though 4/6 children are facing stepfamily issues in today’s society in America.About now I’m looking for my crown….sceptor….something…..for as of today, we’ve made it six and a half years……going on seven in June…..and our life is indeed peaceful and happy ….as happy as any home with teenagers is……but I promise you, any success we have has been hard and long prayed over, continually sought, and constantly nourished and peppered with God’s wisdom, for there isn’t a day in Dallas that we are not aware that indeed, we as a family are just one part of these children’s lives, and that their other families and extended families are indeed important and involved in their lives. Growing Into Lovely is a place where I’ve come to share, not to imply we have any lesson down on how to “do the blended family thing” but to share with you the journey and the God whispers learned along the paths.
God is good…..and remember, Jesus was raised on earth by Joseph, his stepdad.
